


what I have is right here

by arindwell



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Communication, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Hand Jobs, M/M, Outdoor Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 23:34:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19936354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arindwell/pseuds/arindwell
Summary: Listen, it’s not like Even's been pining away for Isak, stuck in the hot swelter of summertime Oslo. He's been fine on his own,really.





	what I have is right here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crazyheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/gifts).



> Happy birthday Camilla!!! I was intending to write you some trashy smut, but then this happened instead. I hope you enjoy it anyway! You are wonderful and I hope you have a lovely day. <3 <3 <3
> 
> Endless thanks to [Elina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alene/), [Sarah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangetowns), and [Allie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/) for the beta reading and encouragement. You guys are the best!

The sky behind Isak is a light blue, shot through with golden streaks, and the wind off the water whips his hair around his face as he talks. His eyes are shining, and the setting sun over the water lights him up.  
  
"Even?"  
  
Even startles as he feels a tug on his hand and meets Isak's amused expression.  
  
"You're not even listening to anything I'm saying, are you?"  
  
"I was... not. I was for a while?" Even scrunches up his face guiltily. “But...." He pulls Isak gently towards him, his palm is warm and comforting in Even’s. He comes to Even easily and happily, laughing.  
  
Even wraps both arms around him and buries his face in Isak's neck, letting himself sink into the familiar comfort there. "I missed you," he mumbles. "A lot."  
  
He feels Isak sigh against him and tighten his hold. "I missed you, too."  
  
And listen, it’s not like Even's been pining away for Isak, stuck in the hot swelter of summertime Oslo. He's been fine on his own, _really._ And he hasn't been on his own. He's been occupied learning the ropes at his new job, hanging out with the boys, and working with Mikael on a short film idea they're finally able to start shooting. He's kept busy, and it's been a good summer. But it's been Isak-less, and missing him has been a kind of buzz under his skin for months now; almost like white noise that you don't really notice until it stops. So now Isak's here beside him, and all of a sudden it's quiet again. And now he can pay attention to all the things he's been too busy (on purpose) to consider. Like that Isak looks _so happy_ in all the photos Even's seen this summer. Happy in a way that he hasn't seen before. Relaxed and somehow at peace with himself, as cliché as that sounds. And Even can't quite get away from the voice that wonders if Isak's happiness is somehow related to his distance from Even? He _knows,_ okay, that correlation is not causation. But telling that to his stupid anxiety is useless. So he's left with this doubt.  
  
Fuck this doubt.  
  
Even turns his face to kiss Isak's cheek and jaw, the new (and thrilling) feeling of short, rough hair under his lips sparking something inside him. He lifts his head to see Isak looking back at him with those warm green eyes, strokes his thumb along his jaw and kisses him. The kiss is warm and familiar but still achingly satisfying after three months without. The brief kiss when Isak had met him at the ferry had been almost perfunctory since they'd been in a hurry to meet Isak's colleagues at the pub for lunch. But this kiss, this is what's he been waiting for. Almost as soon as their lips touch, Isak is stroking along Even’s lips with his tongue and Even sighs and opens up to him. The kiss is full of everything Even's been missing this summer, and he could almost cry with the relief of being so close to Isak again. Instead he deepens the kiss, and pulls Isak even closer, hoping to express some of what he's feeling. Isak responds in kind, threading his hand through the hair at the back of Even's head and slipping his hand under Even's shirt to thumb at his hip. Even pulls back from the kiss to breathe and runs his fingers over Isak's new beard.  
  
"I love the beard," he mumble-whispers into Isak's lips.  
  
"Yeah?" Isak pulls his head back to raise his eyebrows and laugh delightedly.  
  
"Yeah, I mean, I _really_ love it," Even says, and winks. "It may have featured in some of my wank fantasies while you've been away."  
  
Isak stares at him for a split second, then throws back his head and barks a laugh. "Fuck, if I'd only known, I'd have stopped shaving years ago."  
  
He gives Even a considering look, then pulls Even in closer, running his nose lightly up Even’s neck and mouthing softly behind his ear.  
  
"So beards do it for you, huh?"  
  
Even squirms, both from the sensation and from the embarrassment. "Um.... yeah. Kind of a lot actually. But maybe just yours."  
  
Isak laughs into his neck and then lifts his head to kiss him, oh so softly, short little presses of his lips. "Tell me more about these fantasies of yours."  
  
Even pulls back and wiggles his eyebrows. "How about I show you?"  
  
"Here?" Isaks looks incredulous. "On this bluff?"  
  
"Weren't you just saying how you love it up here because it's usually deserted? That it makes your misanthropic heart flutter?"  
  
Isak snorts. "I thought you weren’t listening." But he’s smiling, smiling and laughing and Even feels his heart thumping wildly in his chest.  
  
Even tugs Isak determinedly away from the water for a few meters, then looks around and collapses into the grass, pulling Isak with him.  
  
Isak lands heavily sprawled on top of him and Even lets out an inadvertent grunt. "Fuck, you're heavy!"  
  
"I thought you liked that!" Isak snorts and starts to move off of him but Even grabs his waist and pulls him closer.  
  
"I do like it," Even says, and can hear the roughness of his own voice.  
  
Isak stills, gazing down at him, and Even knows he heard it, too. He smiles, softly, and then relaxes against Even, places his arms in the grass on either side of Even's head. With the familiar weight of Isak on top of him Even feels something inside his chest unclench and unfurl, almost as though he'd been waiting to breathe ever since Isak left.  
  
Isak watches him with his keen eyes, and Even feels seen. Known. It's almost too much, really, and Even drags his eyes away, looks up to see a few gulls wheeling overhead into the darkening blue of the sky. He runs one hand up from Isak's waist, up his back and over the muscles of his shoulders and biceps.  
  
"You are heavier, though," he murmurs, and looks back into Isak's steady gaze. "It must be all these outdoorsy activities you've been doing up here, hiking and fishing and whatever else, wrestling bears and shit."  
  
Isak raises his eyebrows and laughs. "You've been keeping tabs on me, eh?"  
  
Even laughs and pokes him in the side. "It's not exactly hard when your coworkers are tagging you all the time."  
  
"Fuckers," Isak mutters, but he's smiling. He looks so happy, maybe as happy as Even has ever seen him, and Even feels that same happiness bubbling up inside himself. It's been difficult ( _really_ fucking difficult) being apart these past months, but he's so glad he'd encouraged Isak to go for this internship.  
  
Even gazes up into Isak’s face, both familiar and strange all at once. Isak looks older. Of course he does; beards tend to have that effect. But also the photos Even's seen have been predominantly photos of Isak looking robustly healthy, doing really active things in the wilderness, fishing, hiking, boating. And somehow Even's primitive brain just reads all of that as "manly" and "really fucking sexy" and “please fuck me into the bed now.” Or ground. Whatever, but preferably immediately, please and thank you. _Focus, Even._  
  
He resurfaces from his fantasy montage of “outdoorsman Isak” to find Isak looking at him with suspicion and amusement.  
  
“What are you thinking about it?”  
  
“You and your rugged good looks?”  
  
Isak snorts. “What?”  
  
Even laughs at himself and runs his hands down Isak’s back to his waist. “I was just thinking about how happy you looked in all those photos. Really happy.”  
  
Isak seems to understand that he's going somewhere with this, and rolls off Even to lay on his side beside him, head lying on his outstretched arm, legs still intertwined. Even immediately misses the weight and warmth of him. But Isak is still gazing steadily at him and waiting. Even turns onto his side to mirror the position, and reaches out to run his fingers lightly through Isak’s hair.  
  
"Most of your photos here, you look amazingly happy. Just really relaxed and at ease, somehow.” Even looks away, swallows. “In a way I feel like I haven't seen before."  
  
He looks back at Isak to see him considering that. "Yeah, that's probably true."  
  
Even swallows again, roughly, and feels his fingers still as he tries to force out the next question. "I.... do you know why?"  
  
Isak hums, then flops over onto his back and stares up at the sky for a few long moments. Even watches his profile cast in gold and listens to the sound of the surf.  
  
Finally, Isak looks back at him. "Mmmm, I think maybe it's a few things. Like, for one, maybe I'm not actually a city person?" He screws his face up a bit. "I never really spent time outside of Oslo before this summer, not for longer than a week or two. But here it's just, somehow different. It's like I can finally let things be. I can let myself be, stop trying to prove myself all the time. There's so much water and sky and somehow all my usual crap seems less real? Or less important? I don't know, exactly. I'm still trying to work that out."  
  
"So we're moving to Svalbard?" Even teases, reaching out to brush some of Isak’s hair out of his face and trail his hand down to rest on his waist.  
  
"Ha.” Isak rolls his eyes. “Maybe not that far. But yeah, maybe someday we could live somewhere a bit less busy?"  
  
“We could do that.” Even slips his hand under Isak’s shirt and strokes gentle circles at his hip. “What else is good here?”  
  
“This is a lot more obvious but I’m just really happy to be doing this work. I mean, I suspected I wanted to do this kind of research, but I didn’t know for sure. Not until this summer.”  
  
“And now you do?”  
  
“Yeah, I really do.” Isak smiles blindingly at Even, then reaches down for Even’s hand to kiss it. He clasps their hands loosely against his chest, and the beat of his heart beneath their hands is steady and soothing.  
  
“That’s great, Isak.” Even grins back at him and is tempted to leave it at that, let things be on this easy note. But this clenching feeling in his sternum has returned and won’t let him be. He has to know. "So science and—” Even gestures vaguely around them, “—the wilderness experience make for true happiness?”  
  
"Yeah, that, but also..." Isak looks hesitant as his face turns up to the sky again, which has darkened now, deep blue and gold mingling with rose. Even feels that cold, heavy feeling in his gut again. Isak stares up for a minute, absently circling his thumb on the back of Even’s hand. Then he says, "I think maybe I just needed some time to myself, away from everyone who knows me?"  
  
"Including me." Even is confirming, not asking, and he looks away from Isak as he does it.  
  
"Yes. Including you. But Even—" Isak rolls over towards him, and reaches out to place his palm on Even's cheek, gently turning it to face him. "Baby, I missed you so fucking much. Just because I needed some time and space to myself doesn't mean I didn't miss you. Because I did. Every. Single. Day." He punctuates these last words with soft kisses on Even’s lips, then pulls back to look him in the eye. Whatever he sees there makes him frown slightly.  
  
“Even, what’s going on?”  
  
Isak looks concerned and Even suddenly feels needy and stupid and ridiculous.  
  
“Ah... I don’t know. I mean, I do know. It’s just, I can’t help but think that maybe one of the reasons you’ve been so happy and relaxed here is that you’re actually kind of better off without me?” Even can hear his voice falter a bit on the last part, but there’s also a sense of relief getting it out there. Although it feels a bit like proving his own point: he hasn’t seen Isak in two months, but already he’s vomiting his emotions all over him. Who wouldn’t be better off without that?  
  
In response, Isak immediately frowns, furrowing his eyebrows and shaking his head minutely.  
  
“No,” he says resolutely. “Nope.”  
  
He strokes his fingers over Even’s cheek and Even closes his eyes briefly, pressing into the touch. Opening them, he meets Isak’s eyes gazing back at him unwaveringly.  
  
“Even, one of the reasons I _could_ be as happy as I’ve been here is because I knew I had you to come home to at the end of the summer. That you were there waiting for me.” Isak leans his forehead to rest gently against Even’s, and squeezes their still clasped hands tightly between their chests. Even feels something sharp in his chest loosen a bit.  
  
“I feel like I’ve been just running at top speed for as long as I can remember, all through high school and into university, with all my family stuff, and us getting together and moving in together and everything that’s come after. And a lot of that stuff was actually really good stuff, like us being together is still the best thing that has ever happened to me—” he shakes their interlaced hands emphatically, “but it’s still been a lot. Being here, for whatever reason, I finally was able just to breathe and to stop running. And I know this is corny as hell, but when I finally got that space, I realized how lucky I am, with everything I have in my life. Even, you’re the center of that, okay? You’re the best thing in my life.”  
  
Isak draws his head back to smile sweetly at Even, and Even exhales heavily, blinking rapidly as he tries to let Isak’s words settle in him. He’s said these words to him before, though not often, and Even’s struck dumb by them every time, hardly able to believe someone like Isak can say these words to him so sincerely. But Isak’s looking at him so calmly and lovingly and maybe Even can let himself believe this, believe him, at least for now. He inhales sharply as the heaviness in his gut and chest suddenly lifts, spreads and dissipates, leaving only an incredible lightness and warmth.  
  
“Okay,” he finally breathes, and smiles back at Isak.  
  
“Okay.” Isak leans forward to rub their noses together. He kisses Even softly, at first, and then more deeply, pulling their bodies tightly together. Even relaxes into it until he Isak pulls back enough to ask him, “Anyway, what about you?”  
  
Even frowns at him. “What about me?”  
  
“Baby, you’ve also looked really fucking happy in the photos I’ve seen of you while I’ve been gone.”  
  
“Really?” Even tries to remember what photos Isak could be talking about. “You mean the bts production crap that Mikael’s been posting?”  
  
Isak laughs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that _crap._ I know you think it’s annoying, but he’s posted some really great photos of you. Photos in which you look super excited and super happy. Not to mention how happy you’ve been at work.” He kisses Even’s nose. “Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to have had a lot more time for your art stuff, like filming with Mikael, while I’ve been gone. So maybe it’s you who’s better off without me.”  
  
Even makes an affronted face at him. “That’s bullshit. And you know it. Fuck my ‘art stuff,’ as you so eloquently called it. And stop trying to turn this around on me.”  
  
Isak grins at him. “Yeah, okay. But my point is—I think you’ve been happy, too. And I think we’re both allowed to be happy when we’re apart without thinking it’s an indication that we’re somehow better off that way.”  
  
An obstinate part of Even is tempted to argue further with Isak’s relentless logic, but it’s lost when Isak pulls him in for a slow, lingering kiss.  
  
“Yeah, you’re right,” Even sighs. “It’s been a good summer and I have been happy, even if I missed you every minute of it.”  
  
“Me too,” Isak murmurs, and kisses him again.  
  
Even loses himself in it, lets himself be held and cared for and loved. The sensation of Isak pressed all along his body, the sound of the waves crashing below, and the grass tickling his neck and shoulders is grounding in a way that he hasn't felt in a long time. Isak moves to kiss his cheek, his jaw, and starts kissing down his neck. His lips send shivers down Even’s spine and Even clutches him closer, rolling to his back and pulling Isak with him. Isak moves easily to push a knee between Even’s legs and Even gasps and involuntarily ruts up into him.  
  
Isak chuckles softly as he runs his lips slowly over Even’s forehead, eyelids, cheekbones and then to his ear, where he breathes warmly for a moment.  
  
“Why don’t you tell me about these fantasies of yours?” he murmurs quietly, and then drags his teeth lightly over Even’s neck.  
  
Even shudders and gazes up at the sky above, pressed up against Isak’s solid weight above and the ground below. He distantly notices the gold and rose are mostly gone, leaving a deep velvet blue above them. He tries to focus on Isak’s question, realizes the answer, and feels himself grinning and blushing at the same time.  
  
“Uhhhh, I think they mostly just involved you being rugged and sexy and rubbing your beard all over every part of my body.”  
  
Isak snorts softly into his neck. “Sounds easy.” Then he continues trailing kisses onto Even’s collar bone, pausing there to lick and suck along the line of it.  
  
Even shivers at the sensation of Isak’s beard scratching softly along his skin, and pulls Isak even more tightly to himself. “I think most of those fantasies ended with you eating me out in all your bearded glory, then fucking me into the mattress.”  
  
Isak makes a strangled sound in his throat, then jerks his head up to hover over Even with darkened eyes, looking amused and delighted. “Fuck yes! I am more than happy to fulfill that fantasy anytime.” He looks around them. “Well, maybe not this second. But how about when we get back to my room?” He grins down at Even, touches his tongue to his upper lip, and wiggles his eyebrows.  
  
Even laughs and stretches up to kiss Isak sloppily. “But that’s too far. I want you now.”  
  
“Why not both?” Isak murmurs, then shifts to the side as he runs his hand down Even’s chest and stomach, pausing at the button of Even’s jeans. He gives Even an inquiring look and pops the button on his jeans. Even’s breath catches, but he nods. Isak grins wickedly at him, brings his hand up to lick his own palm, then wraps it around Even and begins to stroke.  
  
“Fuck,” Even whispers, feeling _soft-rough-wet-warm-Isak_ and he closes his eyes and lets himself sink into it. The familiarity of Isak’s hand, the comforting smell and weight of Isak pressed into his side, Isak’s leg hooked over his, grass tickling his neck, the uneven ground beneath him, the roar of the waves in the distance. Isak is stroking him quickly but smoothly, twisting on the upstroke and rubbing his thumb across the slit, exactly what Even needs right now and Even feels the pressure building and building. He feels the quick rhythm of his heart, the shuddering gasps of his lungs, the breeze on his face. Isak squeezes the head harder and Even lets out a little gasp and opens his eyes to see Isak smiling down at him. His hair is like a halo around his head against the vast blue twilight of the sky above him and his eyes are shining like stars. He leans down to kiss Even, tracing the tip of his tongue over Even’s lips ever so gently, a sharp contrast to the motion of his hand. The soft brush of his beard over Even’s face and neck lights up all of Even’s nerve endings and tips him gently over the edge.  
  
“Is—” he manages to get out, and then everything’s contracting and expanding at once _skyandgroundandbodyandeven,_ Isak’s hands and lips the only anchors.  
  
Even returns to himself with Isak cuddled around him, still with his hand in Even’s pants. Even’s very sticky pants.  
  
“Thank you,” Even croaks out, turning his face towards Isak’s.  
  
“My pleasure,” Isak grins, then wrinkles his face up as he removes his hand and wipes it on the grass beside him. “Next time, we’re doing this inside, though.”  
  
Even reaches up to pull their mouths together and kisses him slowly. “What about you?”  
  
Isak pulls back to wink and grin cockily at him. “I’m saving myself for later. Apparently my beard and I have our work cut out for us.”  
  
Even laughs and pulls him closer, letting himself sink into the certainty of Isak, which is enough for now.


End file.
